The Charity Auction
by SpiritOfAdventure
Summary: Hermione is roped into participating in a charity auction in which men will bid to go on a date with her. She does not feel good about her prospects. Rated for language and the mention of adult relations.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer**: Everything you recognize belongs to the brilliant J.K. Rowling. I'm not making any money off of this.

**Author's Note**: This is crack, pure and simple. I read a summary of a fic last night where Hermione is entered (against her knowledge) into a contest where she wins a cruise with Draco Malfoy. Then I wrote this. Literally in one sitting, and staying up all night to do so. It is a ridiculous concept. Completely and utterly.

This is part one of two. The next part is already written, but I'll probably wait a day or so before posting it. It could use a bit of editing, probably.

Some things will not be explained. In the sense that I don't give any background story about how anyone unusual becomes friends. Or how Ron Weasley comes to have a seemingly excessive amount of money. I have a reason in my mind why he has such riches, but I don't address it in the story. It is what it is.

After I post the second part, that will be the end. I will not expand on it. So, just be prepared for that.

For anyone reading Therapy Sessions, I promise I worked on it too; half of the next chapter is already written! But, maybe you'll enjoy this too?

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><p>Hermione stood with the other ladies in a dressing room behind the stage, feeling more than a little ridiculous. She couldn't exactly remember how Ginny had talked her into this, but now that she thought about it, it was possible the redheaded vixen had slipped something into her gillywater the night they had discussed it.<p>

'"_Mione, it'll be fun! Besides, it's for a good cause. They need at least eight women, and Padma had to drop out because she came down with dragon pox."_

"_That's a pity," she'd replied acidly, "Padma would have been sure to fetch a much higher offer than I will."_

She fiddled with her necklace, rubbing the silver pendant between her fingers as she tried to ignore how her navy dress robes were cut just a_ little too low _in the front for her liking.

A shrill laugh, almost like a shriek, cut through the room. Parvati and Lavender, as much in cahoots now as they had been at Hogwarts. She fought the urge to roll her eyes. Her blood seethed when she thought about how beautiful they both looked, and what high offers they were sure to receive. This night was going to end horribly for her.

She needed a drink. She walked over to a small table by the door, draped with a black linen cloth and topped with numerous glasses of champagne. She grabbed a flute, thought better of it, and snagged another before walking back toward her empty corner of the room. She had arrived earlier than requested, of course, and the only other women here besides her, Parvati, and Lavender, were Katie Bell and Cho Chang, and she certainly wasn't going to join in _that _conversation.

The door opened. Pansy Parkinson walked in with Daphne Greengrass. Relief flooded her stomach as she waved them over.

"Pansy. Daphne. Thank Merlin you're here."

They both smiled at her as they approached, although Pansy's was much warmer and more genuine. "Hermione! You look fucking hot."

Hermione blushed. "You're just trying to make me feel better. But it's appreciated."

Before Pansy could offer up a retort, the door flew open, and a certain wild-eyed Weasley bee lined straight for them.

"Good evening, Ginevra," Hermione spat icily. "So glad you've finally arrived. Guess who else is here?"

"Katie," Ginny rushed out. "I know, 'Mione, I'm so sorry, I only just found out. Believe me, if I had any idea she was involved I _never_ would have asked-"

Hermione held up her hand, stopping her friend's apology.

"It's fine," she sighed quietly, her sudden temper dissipating. "I knew you couldn't have known, that you never would have-"

"I wouldn't," agreed Ginny earnestly.

There was a brief, awkward silence. Pansy broke it.

"So I take it the little chit is still shagging your ex? And she's showing her face, here? Some people have no shame."

Pansy had said this loudly, because she didn't really have any shame either. Hermione put her hand on her friend's arm, a gesture meant to convey both Hermione's desire for her to control herself, but also her appreciation of Pansy's protectiveness of her. Hermione glanced over at Katie, and could tell by the frozen quality of her smile that she had _definitely_ heard what Pansy said. It filled her with no small amount of vindictive pleasure, which really, she should feel rotten for, but she didn't. Not one little bit.

11111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111

Fifteen minutes later and Hermione had already finished two glasses of champagne and was starting on her third. The auction was going to start in five minutes. She hoped to finish her fourth glass before it was her turn. She was seventh on the list, next to last. _Too far back_, she thought to herself woefully. No one would make her an offer. It would be mortifying. _Mortifying_.

"Why did I let you talk me into this again?" she asked Ginny through gritted teeth. Ginny looked at her sideways.

"I'm not sure I should tell you this," she began-

"Tell me _what_?" Hermione interjected. Her voice was about two octaves higher than normal.

"Hermione, men will definitely make offers for a date with you. You're beautiful, and brilliant, and successful, and one of the bloody saviors of the wizarding world-"

Hermione snorted derisively.

"-but _just in case _no one does, Harry's going to. 1,000 galleons."

Hermione's heart stuttered to a stop. She was not sure if this made her feel better or worse.

Ginny fixed her with that hard, blazing look she had. "It's not going to be necessary, Hermione. Just because my idiot brother is a complete and total _arsehole_ doesn't mean-"

"Don't," Hermione implored her, shaking her head. "Just don't."

A brief silence lapsed between them.

"Tell Harry I said thanks," she finally said meekly.

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Parvati went first. The bidding started off at fifty galleons. An offer was quickly made by a young, good-looking wizard whose name Hermione did not know, but she knew he worked at the Daily Prophet with the non-dragon poxed half of the Patil twins. His offer was countered by Blaise Zabini, which caused a stir in the audience. Parvati's co-worker co-countered, a little fiercely. The words "two hundred galleons" barely had time to escape his lips when Zabini lazily offered up an astounding five hundred galleons. Parvati's co-worker was red in the face, but said nothing more. The gavel was pounded, and Zabini had secured himself a date with the beautiful Gryffindor to scattered applause. Parvati had left the stage slightly flushed, but also looking pleased with herself at the bit of drama she had caused.

Lavender went next, then Cho Chang. Both girls inspired some back-and-forth among the audience's male members, but neither of them ended on sums as impressive as Parvati's. Ginny was fourth. For a few tense moments, after the bidding was opened, no offers were made. The reason behind this had nothing to do with Ginny's desirability and everything to do with the fact that she was dating Harry, and there wasn't a man in the audience willing to try and do anything to mess with _that_.

Then Harry stepped forward, and offered 1,000 galleons, and the gavel was pounded.

It was Katie Bell's turn. Hermione tried desperately to ignore the playful banter that took place in the audience then, tried to ignore the multiple men who made offers for a date with her, like Oliver Wood, who had recently been promoted from the reserve team of Puddlemere United to the first string of players, or Michael Corner, who she'd heard had shagged half of the Holyhead Harpies, the team that Katie played for, and was obviously trying to add one more notch to his belt. But she couldn't ignore any of it, her ears strained to catch every word, every offer that was made; she committed it to her memory, so that she could torture herself with it later, but of course, the crowning moment was when Ron stepped forward to put an end to it, and offered up _600 _galleons on her behalf, and Katie had positively _beamed_.

Hermione wanted to throw up. She knocked back the rest of her champagne instead. Pansy squeezed her hand in solidarity.

Daphne was next. She stepped out on stage to a general sigh of delight (she was intensely beautiful, really), and the men bid amongst themselves eagerly, a great back-and-forth, mostly slightly older men Hermione did not know, which made sense, because everyone her age _knew_ about Daphne, and these older men would find out soon enough.

Eloise Midgen stepped forward, skin finally clear by the age of twenty two, as she offered up 350 galleons. A shocked silence fell over the crowd, and the mouths of the men who had been bidding fell open. Hermione fought to suppress a giggle. Lee Jordan repeated the offer (for he was the auctioneer/emcee for the evening), said it was going once, going twice-

One of the men, older than all the others, in his mid to late thirties perhaps, had stepped forward, mouth open, obviously intending to counter-offer-

The gavel pounded. He had been too late. Daphne sighed in relief, and smiled down at Eloise.

Finally, it was Hermione's turn. She steeled herself, taking a deep breath, tapping into her famous Gryffindor courage, and walked on only slightly-shaking legs into the spotlight.

"And here we have Hermione Jean Granger," Lee was saying to the audience, "and _my_, she looks ravishing this evening, doesn't she? Top of her class at Hogwarts, member of the Golden Trio, and currently employed at the Ministry of Magic in the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. Let's start the bidding at 50 galleons, folks!"

Hermione closed her eyes briefly, preparing herself for the inevitable silence that would follow, as it had with Ginny, although for entirely different reasons. But then Lee spoke again. Her eyes snapped open.

"I'm not really sure I'm allowed to do this, as the auctioneer, but I'll put in an offer for fifty galleons." The audience laughed in appreciation. Hermione smiled weakly.

"Any counter-offers?" he asked.

Seamus Finnigan piped up, to Hermione's amazement. His offer was countered by _Terry Boot_, of all people. The two went back and forth, with Lee occasionally chiming in again. The offer was at 200. Then 250. Hermione allowed herself to smile. 250 was a respectable offer. It would be the least of the final offers so far, but at least there _had been _offers. Someone stepped forward, from the back of the room.

"500 galleons," they declared, in a peculiar accent. Every eye swiveled toward the foreigner.

"Krum?" Lee asked incredulously. "Viktor Krum?"

Hermione's breath hitched. She hadn't even known Krum had been _invited_ to this event. Her heart soared. They'd been in vague contact since her graduation, but Ron had never liked it much. She'd enjoy going on a date with Viktor, for a number of reasons, the least of which certainly was not the fact that it would _infuriate_ her former boyfriend. She smiled down at him radiantly. He looked back up at her, his characteristic scowl softening.

"500 galleons," she heard Lee saying, "going once, going twi-"

"1,000 galleons," boomed another voice, coming somewhere from the left of the room. She squinted her eyes. Why had Harry bothered bidding on her?

"1,000 galleons!" exclaimed Lee excitedly. "Krum, would you like to make a counter-offer?"

Krum scowled, and shook his head.

Lee pound the gavel. "Sold! Would the mysterious bidder please come forward and claim his prize?"

Hermione's heart rate increased exponentially as the crowed parted, and a tall (too tall, there was no way it was Harry), slim figure emerged from the dark. Then her heart came to a complete stop.

Draco Malfoy smirked up at her from the front of the stage, his grey eyes dancing with mischief.


	2. Chapter 2

She wanted to slap him.

After she exited the stage, she had immediately fled the room. The party, auction included, was taking place at the famous Viper Club in London. The main ballroom was where most of the action was centered, but the entire Club had been rented out for the occasion. She'd only been to the Club a few times before, all for Ministry functions, but she knew, at least, where the small library was, and she was certain it would be empty.

It was. She flung herself inside, slamming the door shut behind her.

A small fire crackled merrily at her. She resented it, glancing around at the high walls, taking in the many luminous volumes. By the fireplace, two high-backed chairs flanked either side of the mantle, with a small round table in between them. On top of the table sat a crystal decanter, filled with what she was sure was a ridiculously expensive, aged scotch. Several rocks glasses surrounded it, and she grabbed one, filling it up halfway. She savored the way the liquid glided smoothly over her tongue, warming her, calming her. She took a deep breath.

The door opened behind her.

"Hermione-" Draco started.

She resisted the urge to fling the rest of her scotch into his pale, pointed, infuriatingly handsome face.

"What," she began threateningly, her voice low and far more steady than she expected, "in the absolute _fuck_ are you trying to pull?"

He leaned away from her, as if she had just tried to slap him. She still wanted to, but resisted that urge as well.

"What did you expect, Hermione? I'm a man who's used to getting what he wants, and what I've wanted, for _two years_, is you. I've been asking you out on dates for the past month now, and you've refused all of my offers. This was a golden opportunity for me. Did you really think I'd pass it up?"

"Two years?" she hissed scathingly. "That's interesting, Draco, because I'm pretty sure if you'd _really_ wanted me for _two years _you wouldn't have spent the majority of that time bedding any number of women, including, but not limited to: Astoria Greengrass, Romilda Vane, Marietta-fucking-Edgecombe, for Merlin's sake-"

"Are you serious?" he scoffed. "_You were dating Weasley_ up until six months ago. I'm not the type to sit around and pine. Even though the two of you fought constantly for the _entirety_ of the last _year_ you were together, you always assured me you loved him madly and would do anything to make it work. How was I to know he was going to be the biggest idiot of the century and fuck it up by shagging Bell?"

She glared at him, and crossed her arms defensively.

"Besides," he continued, "I haven't shagged anyone since the two of you broke up."

That took her aback. Her gaze softened. "Really?"

"Really," he replied evenly, and he gave her a small smile. "Haven't you noticed my lack of gloating over conquests at Pansy's Sunday brunches?"

She thought back. She hadn't heard any tales of his latest success at charming whatever witch had struck his fancy that week in about...six months. She had assumed it was because he'd finally cottoned on to her contempt and Harry's embarrassment at such stories, but now, she wasn't so sure.

She shook her head, hoping to clear it. None of that mattered. None of anything that Draco was saying mattered. She told him this, looking into the fire that roared beside them.

"The girls you sleep with…they're nothing like me. That has to mean something. And you know what I think it means, Draco? It means that you don't really want me. I'm just - just something that's eluded you for the past few years, and you want to add me to your list of _accomplishments_. I'd be your highest achievement, bedding the Gryffindor Princess, as you so _fondly_ call me-"

He growled, grabbing her shoulders and forcing her to look at him.

"The girls I slept with are nothing like you because _you're not like anyone_. They all fall for my games, when you never have. They accept mediocrity; you demand excellence. They give the bare minimum to their friends; you offer your whole self up to those you love. I'd do anything, _anything_, to be worthy-"

She held up her hand, cutting him off and backing away a few feet. He let his arms fall by his side. He looked crestfallen.

"I can't do this," she said tiredly. "I can't - Draco, you're - it's _too much_, and it's going to end badly, I _know_ it is, you'll break my heart, and I won't be able to bear it, not again, not after everything-"

He crossed the space between them in two long strides, wrapped his arms around her back, and pulled her up to him. His lips met hers.

And she knew she was done for, knew she wouldn't be able to fight him any longer, because this was heaven, this was bliss. His lips moved over hers softly and sweetly at first, and she melted into him, giving in to him completely; she let the glass she had been holding fall from her grasp as she brought her hands up to the nape of his neck, her right wound its way slowly, tortuously, into his white-blond locks-

Suddenly he deepened the kiss, he parted her lips with his tongue, hot and searching and _demanding_, and she let him, let him graze it over her teeth, let him suck her bottom lip into his mouth, let him nibble at it, and she gasped, and he _growled, _deep and guttural and full of _longing- _

He pushed her up against the wall of books behind them, hard and _desperate_ as he ground himself against her, and she angled her hips upward, trying to give him better access-

He moaned then, and pulled away. Her eyelids fluttered open slowly, and she felt like she'd been drugged. Draco's lips were red and swollen, and his eyes were filled with lust and something else she couldn't quite identify, and she was _drunk_ with it, her hand reached out and grabbed his shirt, bunched up the fine, expensive fabric as she made to pull him back towards her-

"No," he said fiercely.

She leaned back, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion, and her eyes filled with hurt. _No?_

He cupped his hand against her cheek, and she found herself leaning into the touch.

"Not until you agree."

She cocked her head to the side, and let her hand drop. "Agree with what?"

"To go on a date with me." He'd said it seriously, intently, no trace of a smirk evident on his features.

She felt her heart flutter then, in fear and anticipation and Merlin knew what else. Because Draco had changed, they'd all changed, after the War, and somehow, strangely, they'd become _friends_, and they'd started a book club at work but had been the only two to join, which suited them just fine, because it was each other's opinions they valued most on such matters, wasn't it? And they saw each other every Sunday at Pansy's, without fail, and made each other laugh, despite themselves, and often met up for drinks or dinner after work during the week, and knew each other's food and drink preferences like their own, and she knew, _she knew_, that going on a date with him was dangerous, because _he_ was dangerous, he picked up girls and dropped them as simple as returning an ill-fitting suit-

"Draco, it'll be a disaster. I'll fall in love with you, and it will be an absolute disaster, and we won't even be able to be friends anymore, because you'll have broken my heart, because I'll _fall in love with you_-"

He cut her off by capturing her lips again, then rested his forehead against hers.

"Good. I plan on it. Then the feeling will finally be mutual."

She'd shagged him then, right there in the library at the Viper Club, and Draco swore it was the best 1,000 galleons he'd ever spent.

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><p><strong>Author's Note<strong>: I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THIS WAS. But I am NOT ASHAMED because there was a little bit of sexy rumpus between Hermione and Draco and IT IS ALL ABOUT THE SEXY RUMPUS. So, sorrynotsorry.

I realize the last line _kind_ of sounds like Draco might be insinuating he paid 1,000 galleons to have sex with Hermione. But that's not what he means (I mean, maybe a little bit, as a joke). What he means is that him bidding on the date with her lead them to have the conversation they did, which ended with aforementioned sexy rumpus.

Let me just say sexy rumpus one more time, because reasons.

Thank you to anyone and everyone who reviewed, followed, favorited, and even simply read this story. It is very appreciated! 3

As a side note, I rather enjoy the image of Hermione and Draco in a book club together, so like, that might become a one-shot I do down the road. because Draco and Shakespeare and discussions of Bagshot over red wine I CAN'T EVEN.


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